


Snack

by minniebot



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Family Dynamics, Gen, this is silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 18:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13909725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minniebot/pseuds/minniebot
Summary: Were they happy? Yes.Was this important? No.Did Lup need to know about it anyway?Definitely.





	Snack

Post-Bureau of Balance, the former crew of the Starblaster, upon silent agreement, decided to resume their bimonthly Crew Dinners, thus named after Taako staunchly refused to continue to call them "Family Dinners" - earning him a sideways look and a hint of a nod from their Captain. So, every other Tuesday, the IPRE (with an open plus-one for all) converged, location changing month-to-month from the deck of Davenport's ship, to Merle's coastal cottage, to Magnus's home, to the Twins' unholy duplex (which expanded by at least one room every time they visited), and never, it should be noted, to Lucretia's stately Neverwinter manor.  
  
Regardless of location, Taako is the primary chef for the occasion, pushing with sharp elbows into any three-foot square with a hot surface in it. He only had to knock Angus's hat into the ocean and slam Avi's hip into the deck railing once each before everyone realized that they should probably let him take full control, Lucretia politely hiding her giggles behind a gloved hand, Merle less politely rolling his eyes knowingly and patting Avi sympathetically right over his bruise.   
  
It's during one of these dinners, on an unseasonably chilly evening in mid-spring, that it finally comes up. They're crowded into Taako's parlour, clattering noises and incredible aromas alike drifting from the attached kitchen as Taako shouts orders at his sous chefs for the evening, his hapless husband and an undoubtedly baffled Killian. It seems like every room that Taako has dedicated as "his" has an attached kitchen of some kind, even if it's only a butler's pantry with a dormlike counter and a microwave. The guests, piled on top of an assortment of spindly, unfriendly-looking furniture and gushy armchairs that it was impossible to extricate yourself from without assistance, have at least been provided with an impossibly-stacked tower of amuse-bouches. In this scene, gob stuffed full of an unidentified combination of crustacean and pastry, Magnus has a revelation.   
  
"Aw my gawh, Lupf," he belts without warning, launching a light mist of crumbs out of his mouth. Avi, nearly on top of him in the armchair they're sharing due to both Magnus's bulk and the intense, unforgiving squash of the cushions, reaches up to pat him absently on the cheek.   
  
"Swallow, buddy," he says as every eye in the room stutters out of their conversations to look at the two of them. Magnus takes a half second to swallow thickly, and when he continues again almost immediately, aggressively not wasting a single second, his voice is strained around a coat of soft cheese.   
  
"Lup," he says, voice as serious as any of them have ever heard it, "did we ever tell you about that time we found your body?"   
  
The tension that had coagulated at the grave tone of his voice drains away instantly. Carey, perched lazily on the wobbliest-looking of the stools in the room, pitches a mini quiche at him with a mildly hysterical guffaw that turns into a normal one when he catches it in his mouth, and the rest of the room follows suit.   
  
"Pendejo, I was _there_ ," Lup says between dying chuckles. She's laying across two stools and the arm of the sofa where Angus, Barry, and Lucretia are squished together. "Or did you forget I could see out of the staff, my man?"   
  
"And we all know how The Dir-ehm," Angus starts, stumbling over his words as he catches Lucretia's eye and she raises an eyebrow at him over the still-shaking form of Barry, who has buried his face, red with laughter, into her neck, "I mean, we know how Madam Lucretia made sure you all found each other beforehand, sir."   
  
"Yeah, but!" Magnus shouts over the relieved din, "You know we had Barry with us, right? Like, before, and then he was supposed to catch up with us in the cave?"   
  
"Wait, really?" Lup says, pushing up on her forearms to look at Barry. "Babe, you were so close!"   
  
"Right?" Magnus says, clearly only just holding back a full bout of giggles. "You- you'd figure he'd want to go everywhere since he had that magic coin telling him what to do, b-"   
  
"Oh, yea-heah," Merle cuts in suddenly. He's sitting backwards in a chair by the kitchen door, arms slung over the back rest, pointing at Barry, and blatantly ignoring Magnus's pout and attempt to talk over him. "Didn't you stay behind in Phandalin because you were - waitin' on some chicken wings?"   
  
" _Merle_ , you fucked up the dramatic tension," Magnus groans. Nobody pays his complaint any mind as every head snaps to face the still red-faced Barry. In a supreme moment of irony, Barry is frozen in place, tucked into Lucretia's side, Angus tucked into him in turn, one hand inches from his mouth holding a breaded and deep-fried chicken tulip. In the silence, a drop of ranch dressing slips from a ridge in the breading and splats down onto Angus's hat.   
  
"Uhh," Barry lets out, lips parted in preparation for the bite he's now unable to take.   
  
"Babe," Lup drawls, popping both "b"s, "is this true?"   
  
"Ha ha! What?" Barry says a little too loudly, awkwardly enunciating each "ha" individually. His eyes dart frantically from Lup, to the abandoned appetizer still gripped awkwardly in his hand, to where Angus has tucked himself a little more solidly into his hip, trapping him completely between the detective and Lucretia.

“Babe,” Lup says slowly, snapping the word out of her mouth like bubble gum. “Did you leave me in a cave for chicken wings?”

“I, ah-- hah, uh,” Barry chokes out, looking pointedly at the ceiling. Lucretia moves underneath him and he jolts like he's been shocked, splattering more ranch on both his shirt and Angus. Unfettered, Lucretia lazily tilts her head back to look at Lup, shoulders just a little wine-loose.

“Sometimes that’s just the way it is on this bitch of a planar system,” Lucretia says before pausing, a faint pout forming as her gaze blanks in thought. Lup, fingers twitching, manic grin splitting her face, turns slightly to face her instead of Barry, all the while inching forward into a real sitting position behind the pile on the couch. “C’est la vie,” Lucretia says decisively after a few moments, nodding firmly but upside-down, “You know our boy loves him some **wings**.”

Merle lets out a bark of laughter, followed in short order by Davenport, and Lup’s eyes soften just a touch as she looms over Lucretia’s head. She drops a kiss on the crown of Lucretia’s head and lays her arms out over her shoulders, hands reaching all the way over Barry to tangle loosely in Angus’s hair.

“You got me there, Luce,” Lup says. Over their heads, she catches Magnus’s eye and winks before she keeps talking, voice dipping back into feral, “Still, I think I maybe gotta teach him a _lesson_ , right?”

At that, Lup pulls her hands out of Angus’s hair and launches herself over Lucretia’s head. She digs her fingers into Barry’s soft sides and when he yelps and moves to pull them away, she tilts further into him and reaches up into his armpits, tickling him mercilessly. He shrieks with laughter underneath her and the rest of the room explodes into action.

“Ten gold on Lup!” Magnus yells, bouncing in place and jostling Avi almost entirely out of the seat.

“Fifteen gold on the director!” Carey yells, jumping to her feet on the stool and pumping a fist in the air.

“I'm not a part of this!” Lucretia yells, buried under Barry’s wriggling form, Lup’s cackling top half, and Angus’s frantic attempts to get up from the couch.

“Lup!” Barry yells, voice broken and hoarse with laughter, “Lup st-HAUhp! I'm ghhAHA-- I’m gonna puke stop!”

Behind Merle, the kitchen door knocks open, and he turns to see Taako standing in the doorway. Their host is wiping his hands on a dish towel and he raises both eyebrows at Merle.

“What the hell is going on out here?” Taako asks, slinging the towel over his shoulder and flicking an ear in the direction of his sister.

“Lup found out why Barry wasn't with us when we found her umbrella,” Merle explains, shrugging. Behind him, there's a soft _thump_ and a cry of _I'm free!_ from Angus.

“Oh yeah,” Taako says, crossing his arms, “That boy loves him some **wings**.”

Merle looks sideways over to Lucretia, who's been suckered into the tickle fight. She appears to be using her ambidexterity to the fullest, and is tickling both Lup’s neck and one of Barry’s feet. Barry’s entire upper half is dangling over the side of the couch, and he's trying very hard to use his core to lift him up so he can reach Lup’s sides. It's not working.

By the time Merle looks back at Taako, the elf has already retreated into the kitchen. He shrugs again, catches Davenport's eye across the room, and jerks a thumb towards one of the other doors out of the room. Davenport stands up and heads over to him, tail swishing with a little bit of familial glee that he isn't bothering to hide. It's pleasant to see him so relaxed again.

“Whaddaya say we give the kids some room to work this out?” he asks, offering his soulwood arm to Davenport. His captain grins.

“Sure, Merle, we can go outside and smoke weed,” he says. Merle laughs.

“You caught me!” he hoots, slapping him on the back but leaving his hand there to steer him out of the room.

“You can't lie to me, you old dog,” Davenport says, but follows him without question.

The evening proceeds as planned.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> brain, screaming: PEOPLE DON'T LIKE JOKE FICS
> 
> (remember how apparently plant language is fantasy french? that's a real thing that happened in this actual podcast)
> 
> hello pls be kind about this I've been really afraid to post it even though i really like it!!! i know I'm not great at summaries so if you've any suggestions to improve that or the tags i would,,,,,, appreciate them,,,,
> 
> hit me up at [my blog ](%E2%80%9Dminerva-is-a-robot.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D) if u wanna talk!!!! I'm usually up for it unless I'm at work


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